Monday, August 7, 2017

"How Come?! Tell Me Why?!"

Professor Terguson (Sam Kinison):  "Welcome to Contemporary American History. I'm Professor Terguson. I know a lot of people think of history as just facts. It's just information about the past but not me. I mean I hold history very sacred. Sacred. The way the farmer holds the earth and looks at it, sacred. The way a Christian holds his bible, sacred. The way a lot of people hold their marriage as sacred.  That's how I feel about it. So, why don't we dive right in to my interpreting one of the easiest events of the last 20 years of American history.  Now, can someone tell me why in 1975, we pulled our troops out of Vietnam?

Student answers: "The failure of Vietnamization to win popular support caused an ongoing erosion of confidence int the various American but illegal Saigon regime."

Professor Terguson (Sam Kinison): "Is she right? (addresses classmates) Because I know that's the popular version of what went on there.  I know a lot of people like to believe that.  I wish I could but I was there!  I wasn't in a classroom, hoping I was right, thinking about it!  (voice gets increasingly louder)  I was up to my knees in rice paddies, with guns!  Going up against Charlie, slugging it out with him!  While pussies like you were back here partying, putting on headbands, doing drugs, listening to the god damn Beatles albums!!!  Ohhh!!! Ohhh!! (screaming at students)

Thornton (Rodney Dangerfield): "Hey, hey! Professor, take it easy! Would ya? I mean these kids were in grade school at the time and me, well I'm not a fighter. I'm a lover."

Professor Terguson (Sam Kinison): "Well.  Well, I didn't know you wanted to get involved in the discussion, Mr. Helper.  Since you want to help, maybe you can help me? Okay? Do you remember that thing we had about 30 years called the Korean Conflict?  Yeah. Where we failed to achieve victory. (raises voice into rant) How come we didn't cross over the 38 parallel and push those rice eaters back to the Great Wall of China?!  How come?!  Say it!! Say it!!!

Thornton (Rodney Dangerfield): "Alright; I'll say it.  (raises voice in response) Cuz, Truman was too much of a pussy-wimp to let MacArthur go back in there and blow up those commie bastards!!!"

 Professor Terguson (Sam Kinison): "Good answer. Good answer!  I like the way you think. I'm going to be watching you."

Thornton Melon (Rodney Dangerfield): "Good teacher!  He really seems to care - about what, I have no idea." 

Back to School (1986) Directed by Alan Meter

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