Wednesday, August 30, 2017

"I Don't Know How To Do All Of Your Adult Crap...."



"This is called a suit. You wear one everyday, along with a neck tie, black not white socks, dress shoes, not shower sandals, underwear.....No, no, no; no more commando!  You're a grown-ass man.  Put them on.

This is called a schedule.  It tells you everything that you need to do each day - pick ups, drop offs, doctor appointments, activities, play-dates, etc.  You'll notice that there are 15 hours of obligations on any given day.  Make it work!

This is called a grocery store.  People buy food here.  It's part of your responsibilities.  Before heading to the market, always call Jamie and ask if she needs anything, first.  In fact, before making any decision in your life, no matter how small, call your wife first.  Think of yourself as a brain damaged mule, lost in the desert; helpless, dumb, and in constant need of direction.  Never take the initiative, never strike out on your own, and never deviate from the plan. Why??  Because you are a brain damaged mule and you are lost in the damn desert!!

These are called children or dependents. Never disparage your own child.  Everything they do is a miracle from God.  When they're bad, it's only because they're tired or going through a phase.  When other kids are bad, it's because of indulgent parenting or some innate defects in the child's character.

Be fifteen minutes early for everything.  It doesn't matter what it is - a meeting, an event.  Less stress for me. Less stress for you.... "  Mitch (Ryan Reynolds)/The Change-Up

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