Saturday, March 31, 2018

"I'm Getting Off The Wheel....."

Jack Byrnes (Robert DeNiro):"That's it. You're done! You're done. It's over. That's it."

Greg Focker (Ben Stiller): "You know what? You can't tell me I'm done because I already quit! I'm getting off the wheel!"

Jack Byrnes (Robert DeNiro):"What wheel?"

Greg Focker (Ben Stiller): "The wheel! The little hamster wheel that we're all running up to get a little taste of your little water thingy - please approval. Approval. Please give me some of it, Jack. Jack" 

Jack Byrnes (Robert DeNiro): "What the hell are you doing?"

Kevin (Owen Wilson): "It's a metaphor for your approval. Like a hamster trying to get a little water."

Greg Focker (Ben Stiller): "Yeah! Yeah! What are you even doing here, Kevin?"

Kevin (Owen Wilson): "I'm trying to help."

Greg Focker (Ben Stiller): "Why don't you get on your stupid monster yacht with your bubble butt girlfriend and do jello shots off of Deepak Chopra's butt?!"

Kevin (Owen Wilson): "Greg, don't drag Deepak into this. Please, Greg...."

Little Fockers (2010) Directed by Paul Weitz

Friday, March 30, 2018

"Knicks Tickets For Tonight's Game..."

Ben  (Matthew McConaughey): "You think you left your purse at my place on accident? No. Subconsciously, you are dying to take me to that game. Denying your subconscious desires is extremely dangerous to your health, young lady." 

Andie (Kate Hudson): "Does that pschyo-babble really work on anybody?"

Ben  (Matthew McConaughey): "You tell me....."

Andie (Kate Hudson): (there's a pause) "Alright. Meet me at the 7th Avenue entrance, 7:30 - Don't be late."

Ben  (Matthew McConaughey):  "You got it. Bye-bye."

Andie (Kate Hudson): "Bye-bye." 

(Hanging up phone with each other and turning to their co-workers)

Ben  (Matthew McConaughey): "And that's how it's done!"

Andie (Kate Hudson): "And that's how it's done."

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003) Directed by Donald Petrie

Thursday, March 29, 2018


Danny (Adam Sandler): (shaking hands) "I would have done it for $500."

Maggie (Bailee Madison): "I would have done it for the experience."

Just Go With It (2011) Directed by Dennis Dugan 

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

"When You Say Go, You Mean Just Go?"

Donald Sinclair (John Cleese): "Uhh, begin. Commence. Start moving.  Theoretically you've been racing for about 40 seconds...GO!!"

Rat Race (2001) Directed by Jerry Zucker 

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

"In The Can?....."

Templeton the Rat (Steve Buscemi): "The rat will never find words. Yeah right! The rat will never find words.  Hey look, words." 

(Birds flying over head discussing....)

Elwyn (Andre Benjamin): "Hey, is he still in the can?"

Brooks (Thomas Hayden Church): "He's in the can? Maybe, we should give him some privacy. It always helps me."

Elwyn (Andre Benjamin): "Nah. Nah, genius. Not that can...." 

Charlotte's Web (2006) Directed by Gary Winick

Monday, March 26, 2018

"I've Got This Rat....."

Billy (Leonardo DiCaprio): "Frank, look at me. Look at me.  I'm not the f*ing rat! I'm not the f*ing rat!"

Costello (Jack Nicholson): "Start with that you agree that there is a rat?"

Billy (Leonardo DiCaprio): "You said there is one. Alright? I base most of what I do on the idea that you're pretty f*ing good at what you do!" 

The Departed (2006) Directed by Martin Scorsese 

Sunday, March 25, 2018

"Trying Is Having The Intention To Fail....."

Sydney (Jason Segal): "You got to scrap that word from your vocab. Say your going to do it and you will....."

I Love You, Man (2009) Directed by John Hamburg

Saturday, March 24, 2018

"Jesus Is Never Mad At Us..."

Tommy (Mark Wahlberg): "I hate to break this to you but he is. He most definitely is...."

I Heart Huckabees (2004) Directed by David O' Russell 

Friday, March 23, 2018

"Yet Another Long Series of Diversions, In An Attempt To Avoid Responsibility..."

Chris Knight (Val Kilmer):  "Duck, again!  Oh My GOD!! It's headed for the gas tanks! (Knight and Mitch drop to the ground) Would you classify that as a launch problem or a design problem?" 

Real Genius (1985) Directed by Martha Coolidge

Thursday, March 22, 2018

"You Alright In There?!"

Maxwell Smart (Steve Carell): "Oh! I got to get that out! I gotta get that out! It's in there!"

Get Smart (2008) Directed by Peter Segall

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

"Don't Get Smart With Me, Benny...."

Vera (Della Reese): "Benny, where's the hash?"

Bennie Wilson (Redd Foxx): "In the middle of the cabinet on the third shelf."

Vera (Della Reese): "That's not hash. It's tuna fish!"

Bennie Wilson (Redd Foxx): "Well, shit, make some tuna, then."

Vera (Della Reese): "You got to do something about them eyes, Benny! You got my mouth ready for hash and eggs and you ain't got no hash. You can't keep f*cking with me that way!"

Bennie Wilson (Redd Foxx): "Bitch, please!"

Vera (Della Reese): "Bitch, please - my ass! Do you want a sandwich?"

Bennie Wilson (Redd Foxx): "If it's not too much trouble."

Vera (Della Reese): "Don't get smart with me, Benny!....."

Harlem Nights (1989) Written and Directed by Eddie Murphy

Monday, March 19, 2018

"Can I Get A Caramel Macchiato?"

Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera): "How are you doing that with your mouth?"

Julie (Aubrey Plaza): "Never f'ing mind, how I'm doing it! What do you have to say for yourself?"

Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera): "Can I get a caramel macchiato?"

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2010) Directed by Edgar Wright

Sunday, March 18, 2018

"You Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth?"

Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers): "You've gone mental! I'm getting out of here, Damien!"

Garth Algar (Dana Carvey): "Fine, then. Go."

Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers): "I'm gone."

Garth Algar (Dana Carvey): "Go, then."

Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers): "I am."

Garth Algar (Dana Carvey): "Go."

Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers): "I'm gone." 

Garth Algar (Dana Carvey):  "Go, then." 

Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers): "Well, I am." 

Wayne's World (1992) Directed by Penelope Sheeris 

Saturday, March 17, 2018

"A Brief Shining Moment....."

Stylist Victor Melling (Michael Caine): ".........and then that mouth!"

Miss Congeniality (2000) Directed by Donald Petrie

Friday, March 16, 2018

"You're My Knight In Shining Armor..."

Norman Thayer (Henry Fonda): "You know why I came back here so fast?" I got to the end of our lane and I couldn't remember where the old town road was. I wandered a little way in the woods and there was nothing familiar, not one damn tree! That's why I came running back here to you. To see your pretty face, so I could feel safe. - where, I was still me."

Etheyl Thayer (Katherine Hepburn): "You're safe, you old poop and you're definitely still you; picking on poor old Charlie. After lunch, after we've picked those silly strawberries, we'll go to the old town road.  We've been there a thousand times and you'll remember it.  Listen to me, mister.  You are my knight in shining armor. Don't you forget it. You're going to get back on that horse and I'm going to be right behind you, holding on tight and away, we're going to go, go go." 

Norman Thayer (Henry Fonda):  "I don't like horses....."

On Golden Pond (1981) Directed by Mark Rydell 

Thursday, March 15, 2018

"How Do You Know When It's Kicked In?"

William Miller (Patrick Fugit): (on phone with Dick, Stillwater band mgr) "I found him. He's okay but he's taken a lot of acid. I can't really tell. How do you know when it's kicked in?"

(cut to outdoors -pool)

Russell Hammond (Billy Crudup): "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!!"

William Miller (Patrick Fugit): "Hey, Russell. Don't jump!!!"

Russell Hammond (Billy Crudup):  "And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine, that my last words were (he pauses to think) I'm on drugs!" 

Almost Famous (2000) Written and Directed by Cameron Crowe

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

"The Golden Fire Hydrant..."

Bruce (Jake T. Austin): (reveals his dog training system)"Ready?......"

Hotel for Dogs (2009) Directed by Thor Freudenthal

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Monday, March 12, 2018

"The Last Golden Ticket....."

Townfolk (uncredited actors): "Hey, you got it! You've got the last golden ticket. The kid's got the last golden ticket!"

Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (1971) Directed by Mel Stuart

Sunday, March 11, 2018

"I Have Unpaid Parking Tickets...."

Fletcher Reed (Jim Carrey):  "Be gentle....."

Liar, Liar (1997) Directed by Tom Shadyac

Saturday, March 10, 2018

"Tickets, please...."

Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford): "No ticket....."

Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade (1989) Directed by Steven Spielberg 

Friday, March 9, 2018

"Pull Over...."

Raoul Duke aka Hunter S. Thompson (Johnny Depp): (Outer monologue)"Jesus! Bad waves of paranoia. Madness. Fear and loathing. Intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out. The weasels were closing in. I could smell the ugly bruts. Do me one last favor Lord. Give me five more high speed hours before you bring the hammer down.  Just let me get rid of this Goddamn car and out of this horrible desert.  (sees cop car in rear-view mirror) Oh, you evil bastard! This is your work.  You better take care of me Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands."

Highway Patrolman (Gary Busey): "Pull over!!! Pull over!!

Raoul Duke aka Hunter S. Thompson (Johnny Depp):"Hey, good morning! How are ya? Alright then. Doing very well. (Back to speaking to himself) Few people understand the psychology of dealing with the highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and pull over to the side.  This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you.  He will follow but he won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says your about to turn right. This is to let him know that you're about to turn off for a proper place to talk..... " 

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) Directed by Terry Gilliam

Thursday, March 8, 2018

"You're the Best!..."

Detective Highsmith (Samuel L. Jackson): "We know. We know. We know. Alright, alright, alright - listen up. We're having a celebration tonight at Butter. Brody Jenner is going to be there and most of you are on the list."

Detective Danson (Dwayne Johnson): "Guys, we want to say something right now.  We couldn't do our job if it weren't for you guys doing all the paperwork, answering the phones....."

The Other Guys (2010) Directed by Adam McKay

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

"He's Ignoring You....."

Annie (KristenWiig): "I just want to get his attention.....Reckless driving....Hey, who's driving that car?" 

Officer Rhodes (Chris O'Dowd): "Really?!  Are you crazy? All that stuff would have been crazy for a good driver!!"

Annie (KristenWiig): "I'm sorry but I need your help."

Bridesmaids (2011) Directed by Paul Fieg

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

"You Called About Your Neighbors...."


Mac Radner (Seth Rogan): "Okay; you know what?  Let's end this. I'm sorry. I rescind the complaint. You can go. No noise complaint."

Officer Watkins (Hannibal Burress): "You know the boy that cried wolf? You're that boy."

Mac Radner (Seth Rogan): "Okay; I cried wolf..."

Officer Watkins (Hannibal Burress): "Never call us again."

Mac Radner (Seth Rogan):  "Never call you again? You're the f*cking police......"

Delta Psi Beta President, Teddy Sanders (Zach Ephron): "......I'm not mad.  I'm just disappointed."

Neighbors (2014) Directed by Nicholas Stoller 

Monday, March 5, 2018

"Let's Get You Out of There....."

Paul Blart (Kevin James): "No can do, Sir. I'm going to finish what I started......"

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009) Directed by Steve Carr

Sunday, March 4, 2018

"Well, Those Are My Lucky Numbers....;"

Fake Federal Reserve Guard: "Feels like it's going to rain like dogs and cats later.  Here's one of you guys. Detective Otto, isn't it?"

John McClane (Bruce Willis):  (shakes hands) John McClane (They enter elevator, with several other guards filing in.)

John McClane (Bruce Willis): (with suspicion confirmed) "Hey, what was the lottery number last night? Huh? You guys play the lottery? No.  Ehh, my wife buys me two tickets every week. For the last ten years, plays the same two numbers all the time. I say honey, ya know, why don't you play a different number.  She goes, "Well, those are my lucky numbers."  I got the tickets right here."

Die Hard With A Vengeance (1995) Directed by John McTiernan

Saturday, March 3, 2018

"Did You Say You Have The Right To Be An Attorney?"

Deputy Chief Hardy (Nick Offerman): "The department had to drop the charges because you forgot to read him his Miranda Rights. What possible reason is there for not doing the only thing you have to do when arresting someone?"

Jenko (Channing Tatum): "I did read him his rights - I did a version of that."

Deputy Chief Hardy (Nick Offerman): "Do you even know the Miranda Rights?"

Jenko (Channing Tatum): "Yes."

Deputy Chief Hardy (Nick Offerman): "Let's hear them, then."

21 Jump Street (2012) Directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller 

Friday, March 2, 2018

"Pointing A Gun At A Police Officer?!..."

Officer Ray Hughes (Gregory Hines): "Can we waste them for that?"

Officer Danny Costanzo (Billy Crystal): "I think so."

Officer Ray Hughes (Gregory Hines): "Yeah." (muggers take off running)

Officer Danny Costanzo (Billy Crystal): "Ya know. This sort of thing starts in the home."

Officer Ray Hughes  (Gregory Hines):  (shakes head 'no')"It's the educational system."

Officer Danny Costanzo (Billy Crystal): "Ya know. The new math drives them nuts."

Officer Ray Hughes (Gregory Hines): "Right to the streets."

Running Scared (1986) Directed by Peter Hyams 

Thursday, March 1, 2018

"It Was Full Tilt Jungle Madness...."

Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan): "....and it was not going away!"  

Mr. Duval (Tim Meadows): "Let me help you down. (Student kicks out) Oh hell no!  I did not leave the Southside for this!"

Mean Girls (2004) Written by Tina Fey and Directed by Mark Waters